Noche Buena

I been through the storm

Had dirt on my name

I'm still holding on

Champion of the game (they said)

Whatever don't kill you make you stronger

Well, I must be the world's strongest woman

See I done done a whole lotta growin'

Everything you say I'm already knowin'

- Monica, Still Standing'

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

A few days ago pessimism took over me; but a total optimism happened yesterday. Today, as I celebrate our traditional "noche buena" with my family filled with joy and hope, as well as to begin our celebration with a mass - I ask God to lend me a piece of his heart to forgive those people who have caused me pain and take away the anger filled in my heart. Tonight, I will give this anger and hate all to him then I will replace it with Christmas love.

Lets all celebrate the main reason of this season.

Fill our hearts with love and joy. Appreciate the food that we have because little do we know the people live halfway across our country are thankful for a tiny piece of bread they can share over their family this Christmas. Forgive those people who have harmed us and enjoy our suffering. Be thankful for those who have never left our side, through hardship and happiness.

So tonight, I want to take this opportunity to great each and every one a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS! I want to thank my family who have patiently gathered tonight and maintain the peace within this house. I want to thank everyone who matters to me. so sya, kainan na!!

P.s. I believe this will be the second Christmas that we are actually at home on Christmas eve, celebrating exclusively without our gigantic clan of relatives. Plus we actually got gifts on each others, thats the FIRST. I am so proud of my family - having this bond lately. I AM REALLY HAPPY! the bond without fights but just kindness and sweetness.

My mom and dad are actually joking around sweetly - I like this. &&& WE MISS ATE JOY!!!

Update: Awesome Dinner, no fighting or screaming - just sweetness and love. Fun Christmas gifts opening too and movie : ) plus our talks with our ate in pinaz

Love and Believe

so you gotta take the good, the bad, happy and the sad

but will you bring the better future then i had in the past

cause i don't want to make the same mistakes i did

i don't wanna fall back on my face again

i'll admit it, i was scared to answer loves call

and if it hits, better make it worth the fall...

- Knock you down

Things happens for a reason. There is a reason why I am going through this, seeing our mistakes and not closing our doors. There is a reason why she came around, why I came around and why you came into my life. There is a reason why our love never fade and to why we wake up that even though we are miles away it feels like we are just right beside each other. You knocked me down. You are my quarterback in my dreams, my soldier and my hero. It was magic, now we are crashing...

Who are we to predict our future. Who are we to not forget and forgive someone. Who are we to misjudged a person like we got clean hands. Who are we not make a stupid mistakes. Who are we not to give anyone a chance to undo what they have done and to prove what they really got. Who are we to give up on love. We have no right to any of this. All we can do is believe...

Believe that one day our pain will fade away. Believe that there is something good in bad. Believe that love exist. Believe that we can once be happy again. Believe that in spite all our sorrows and pain, one day we will all be happy - in a way we picture ourselves happy.

sweetest tear drop

Things cannot always be perfect

You know those things, sayings or stories that list the traits and qualities of a perfect man or a perfect guy or much more like a dream man. Just like what happened to those princesses in fairytale, I got mine. But they don't last. Things are not really perfect, he was all those listed things. He got every single trait in those list, he got them all yet look where we are now?

Yes, sometimes things do not happen the way you want them to be. Things cannot always be perfect.

Just like this one...
To every guy that REGRETS hurting or LOSING her.
To every guy who knows which girl HE WANTS.
To every guy that's said, "You're BEAUTIFUL."
To every guy that was never too busy TO DRIVE across town(or across the STATE)
( or across the country ) to see HER.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for NO reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait hours to see her,
even if they could only spend a few minutes together.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
And honestly believed what he said.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to SHOW how much he cared through
every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought "maybe this could be the one".
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that WASNT...just trying to GET LAID.
To every guy that gave his heart and still has a piece missing.
To every guy who prays that she is HAPPY even if he is NOT the one that makes her that way.
To every guy who doesn't care how far away she lives, and will still date her because it's her.
To every guy who cares the most about how she feels, even when she breaks your heart.

And I am telling you, every single sentence in there. It happened to me and he did it. In spite of where we are now, part of me is still happy that no matter what and for such a short period of time...I experienced that. Those moments that I never thought would I ever experience from anyone. Things really do happen for a reason.

Yup, but I guess shit just happens. Now, is it a time to realize that every person can never be content. If we have something perfect, we want more. If we are missing something, we will do everything to get it. Just realize, things could never be perfect and when they do...they end.

November Update!

So November will be tough.

Why so? Adam and I might not see each other for a while, so a whole lot of missing each other but thats okay, we both know we love each other so much plus it would be more like a practice ground when I leave in 2010!!

Yes! got that right, I am officially going to PHILIPPINES in 2010! finally, its been forever!

This month will be insane too, in regards to school. I have major crazy presentations, group projects and individual assignments. I am trying to be as organized as possible but its TOUGH! i tend to procastinate !

but toodles, goodluck to me! miss everyone =)

Bothered

so many things bothering me!
i don't even know where to start...


part of me, miss the old carefree Jem.
part of me is going back to the "Jem"
i toss of during the my self-realization journey.
part of me, just want to freeze the time.
part of me, just want to . . .


so lets see how this year goes?
sept 9. 09 - lucky?

7 Days more before school

SHORT- TERM / LONG-TERM GOAL (starting today):

• Good Marks to get Master's Degree 2 or 3 years from now
• Full Courses in Baking Department to enhance my knowledge in this field plus to START my own business
• Save up for 2010 BIG TRIP : ) - my #1 goal oh man!
• Continuous Gym routine for 2010 trip
• Positive Mindset - no more "people-who-must-not-be named" nor creeping them or bring it up, disregard paranoia or little worries, and improve problem comprehension
• Consistently do JEM-Check - make sure to improve into a better business woman, get emotional issues out of the way
  

I've been on Hiatus for a long time, so many things happened. Good and Bad things. Mostly, Good things. I totally missed being normal, now I wake up feeling perfectly fine except the fact that I wanna sleep in.

I have 7 More days left before I start my first day as a 4th year e-Business Student. *phew* a little relief hearing that but at the same time kinda nerve cracking. Can you believe it? I'm here, almost done. Tons of expectation, especially my own exception. I expect too much from myself - like always! ha ha

Next Step: MBA - Masters of Business Administration. I was looking over admission requirements and Geez! I need to do a whole lot of things but I've always wanted Schulich ever since, just a little lost faith in myself before and slack off. Therefore, here is my second chance. Originally, I want Masters of Finance but its so much more, a little too late for some requirements (like my crazy marks LOL) && I'm also thinking of taking pastry course/baking courses - big step to start my own business.

Oh man, a little motivation to do good this semester. Last year to work so hard, I need to do this. Need to get a GOOD head start.

Overdue Response

Since you like to be talked about and be the center of attention, here I'll give you space in my blog. But I'm sorry to disappoint you cuz this will be the first and last blog feature.

Here's a quick run through of what this entry will talk about, it will begin with my little insights about relationships and what I've learn through my self-realization months. Then I'll write about my overdue response to the most pathetic add, pathetic message and pathetic paparazzi links.

Since Jan '09 I've realize so many things in life. Things like: you get hurt but it makes you stronger and better, there are things in life that should be appreciated because you don't know when will you have it. Then, a person can be happy without depending on anyone; its just much better when you share with others.

Yeah, Just little things like don't over react or worry about things that isn't confirmed, in short making assumptions. I did a lot of thinking, starting with appreciating myself, trying new things, figuring out how I can feel great alone and to handle my problems in the most mature way. I'm sure I have more to learn but I'll do that by taking every problem/events as a learning experience rather than dwelling on it. Besides, I won't appreciate what I have now without my life insights haha! Anywho, enuf with me and my thoughts cuz I can blurb more about it this if I want to lol

Now let's move on to a more interesting topic, the most famous asian in her own stupid world. Who I swear amazed me by how spoiled, manipulating, insane and obsessed this girl is. If only I can save her from embarrassment I will cuz I am EX too but no matter how crazy or baffled or jealous I might be I would never put myself in a situation she is in.

I would be glad to tell this right to your face, and I'm serious - If one day I see you, *phew* it might become your most memorable day ever.

First, let's begin to tackle about your most pathetic facebook add. Ha! It would be so much fun adding you cuz you will realize how different I am to you, then you will be updated with my life as to how happy I am with friends, family and my prince charming. Plus, you don't scare me... If you think you're crazy, I am crazier. Trust me, so don't start. But then I realize, doing so will just be stooping down to your incredibly low and immature level.

Second, about your pathetic message. I would like to thank you for bringing so much joy in my life cuz that seriously made me laugh except for a few words mentioned (which will be discussed later on). Seriously, if you are gonna bullshit some dates make sure its not the one when I'm actually with my bf - haha! Since you are the ms. I-have-proof, well I have one too lol; can you realize how pathetic you are now? Then, how dare you call me "home-wrecker" - I missy don't touch any boy with a girl no matter how shitty their relationship can be cuz if I really am like that, I could of... maybe a couple years ago when your now ex-bf found me. You ruin your own relationship and if you don't see that - well, that's sad. After reading your message, I have five words to scream at you and that is "WAKE UP YOU FUCKING BITCH!". Stop being delusional, take this situation in your life as a learning experience, let yourself grow rather than being childish. Oh yeah, I just remember stop giving me advices about relationship or tips cuz clearly you are not even 10% credible in my books.

Third, your unbelievably waste of time paparazzi links. I am so sorry to disappoint you again cuz those pictures doesn't affect me. It actually put a smile on my face. When I let my bf go out with his friends and get drunk, I expect him to go all out plus he is not a kid anymore, he can make his own mature decisions. If he decided to fuck around while he is out, then feel free just don't make stupid lies plus he knows if he commit one stupid mistake; he is done deal. So I trust him with all my heart. Sorry, I am not like you who don't trust your bf and would think they would cheat every chance they get.

Anyways, enuf with this long blurb. The point of this blog is for somehow maybe I am hoping you'd see how ridiculous you are. And if you are out there tryna break us well it's not gonna work. If ever adam & I will fall apart, it's gonna be because of what we do in this relationship not of what others tryna do or perceive about us. (Another disappointment for you, huhu)

Now, no matter what grudge I have with your white wash asian face... I still hope that one day you will have a better life, mature into a better person and realize that doing such foul acts is very selfish. Selfish acts does not benefit you nor anybody else in your life; it just creates delay for your success. Now, goodbye bitch!

P.s. I hope this will be the last of your pathetic gestures cuz I don't know what to do to you anymore. As a women, you put a shameful title in our league. Just move on. If one thing don't work out that means there are much better things out there for you.

P.s II - I know I over use the word "pathetic", it just suit perfectly in this situation.

I WAS GONNA CUT MY HAIR
but then I thought....
losing my hair is much worst, than losing you :'(
so decided to keep em instead.






p.s. tears*

Miss Independent

"She got her own thing, that is why I love her.
Miss Independent, oh! there is something about her.
Something moves sexy about, she do not even need my help.
She said 'she got it, she got'... That is the girl that's on my mind"

I realize, I haven't been blogging.
To be honest, my whole month is really busy.
My never ending headaches are kicking again `cuz of stress.
School will be done in 5 weeks, I need a job for my workterm,
and I have to finish my hours in SC while I go through this heck life.
But luckly, I still go partying. Apparently, a lot more than I thought I could. I guess, its more of my priority - which isn't a good thing!
"Party, chilling with friends, movies and outta towns sneak in"
that is what helping me right now. No worries, I can handle this = )
All I know... I AM HAPPY RIGHT NOW!

I am loving and living my life right now.
I find myself thinking less about what happened and getting used to the idea. Finally, I wake up for different reason now and smile for different things as well.

Being single right now is actually the best thing. Besides I don't really know how that feels like for years. Also, the fact that I can see friends and boys anytime I want to, or go to places whenever I like. It is just different and it's a good thing.

But, sometimes you can't help it - you still think about it.

As long as I know that every time the clock ticks, he is in a better place then I am good. Sad though, sometimes I try and search things about the past but I can't find them anymore. What disappoints me a bit it is the fact that "changing" what reminds me or what basically my only basis of "first" over her, i think was already "REPLACED" haha sucks noh?

Oh well... moving on to the next topic = )

Btw, have I told you how...
CRAZY IN LOVE I AM WITH MY NEW ARTtattoo : )
I can't stop talking about it and checking it out.
I love it, and the fact that it means so much to me - feels like all the supressed thoughts and feelings I kept for a while are all put into that one little heart and dragon!
It is amazing, it feels amazing !

Okay, gotta go back to work. Love you all = ) [its been a while since I last say that hehe]

I GOT MY TATTOOO : )

The best thing ever. it is so meaningful to me : )
i am so proud of myself, I did it! I really did !!!!
I love it. and its the best friday ever.
To top it off, we got drunk at some downtown pub!

Day 34: Appreciation

There are things I can't do, and things I can.
For the past days, I realize that I can be happy in little things.
and from the past, I have expected too much out of people I shouldn't have. I was wrong but I can't take that back now, all I can do is step forward.

I am glad, I got people who stand beside me.
Each day, motivate me directy or indirectly.
They may be beautiful or not outside, but they are all beautiful in my eyes inside.

Cut off the romantic, emo and cheeziness - lets have some fun as I go
through my very busy hectic schedule of march. I hope I survive.

As this clock ticks, I know you are in the better place = )

Day 26 : Unexplainable

Sorry Blog...
I will have to use my "calling-in-sick" card.
ah! been sick and busy for a while, I will try and keep in touch.
Trust me, online world and me- its very hard to separate so I'll be back.



by the way (this is for you) I wasn't crying, I was sick. I think that was a given.

Day 25: Keep up and fight

We cannot and we will not choose the path of surrender

They say the greatest mistake ìs giving up,
that true strength lies in the will to keep trying.
Keep hoping things will get better.
Keep remind yourself all you`ve accomplished.
Keep everything in perspective.
Keep up the fight because at the end of the day,
that is what your left with - the knowledge that you did your best
and you wake up tomorrow and try again .
-being erica

Day 24: Enough

I had enough!

you are doing everything in purpose. Look back to everything you've said, not once remain the same nor any promises came true - not one. It will all change that is the fact.



back to reality and Reality SUCKS!

DAY 18-23: CALIFORNIA LOVE

WOW!
That is the 3 letter word that would describe my vacation. Everything there was so unreal, I don't have to think about school, getting hurt, work, troubles and stress. The palm trees are my favourite. Highlights of my trip, I will try in make it short because little ms. jemie here needs some beauty rest.

• Hollywood Highlands - The most beautiful venue ever, great place to shop & clubbing location
• Level 3 - Crazy night. Strangers here I am and no one are "throwable" *wink*
• Ramada Hotel - best hotel by far and pocket handy =) [memories around that room]
  
• Filipino Center - my little manila. Goldilocks, Jollibee, Chowking and etc. I love that day & the *ahem* "pansin"; don't forget the phone shopping with 'kalogs'
• Universal Studio - it was ammazzinggly exciting. Again, we brought out the little kids in our heart.
  
• Dinner Chats - haha apparently, talking with momies can be quite fun. Almera's mom with the "one true love" article ahah crack me up a lot.
  
• Santa Monica Beach - the most beautiful view ever. Archades was fun
  
• Non Stop Los Angeles View Drive - well who would enjoy the drive if you are rolling beverly hills, bel air, santa monica and UCLA with 2 door infiniti : ) latest version. [ahem* cute puti *ahem]
• Stratford Shopping Galore - Outdoor shopping center filled with signature stores put my visa card in danger huh? lol good thing I got luggage issue but still it was crazy. It's killing me
• Monteray Tour - this town is totally historic. Architecture are definitely beautiful. Meeting those two little kids especially being able to make one naturally open up to me and not be shy. The story was this twins, one is outgoing and the other one isn't, but later one the shy type would just automatically hug me and wont let me go. Do i have that natural motherly love?
• Breakfast with my cousins - They are so cool. It is so funny how I got along with them still, I thought I would just be shy and be totally quiet.
• San Francisco Tour with my cousin daniel - Omg, he drive like crazy and I actually enjoy it. we are double the speed limit on the freeway trying to catch up wit the porsche. Then I got tour around few small gorgeous towns, the downtown san francisco - union square with adorable high end stores that I am so tempted with good thing I have to catch a flight back home haha. Plus the total highlight for me was the drive especially those downhill fast driving and literally we don't even know or see what's down there - it was that high yet my cousin still went fast - its like im a real rollercoaster the only difference is, I can actually die here haha.
• Bowling/'Last chit chat with the bestfriend - I was emotional rollercoaster ride but no tears.
  
• Flights - I had 6 plane rides in total within 7 days. Few plane rides were fun and memorable =D

So yeah, I guess I had so much fun that now I come back to canada with fever, sore throat (that I sound like I am a guy who got a girl's body) and colds. The sad part of getting sick, no one is taking care of me - with or without a lover. Good point huh

Day 17: California sun

Omg! last night travel was very interesting. My first plane was quiet, quick and I had a nice seatmate. Then, the second plane ride - ohmyfkingosh! let me just say "kill me now" (ask why? hmm my seatmates *cries*).

I barely can't sleep, jetlag? ah maybe not - i guess I slept too much in the plane. Minnepolis airport is my favourite so far!

Today? Well, my bestftriend and I took the bus to the "Island" mall - geez, the bus fare is only $1.25; I wished its liek that too. We checked out the phone, I really want the sidekick phone but THEY CAN'T UNLOCK IT FOR ME! *cries* but for lunch, we had JOLIBEE! i had palabok and chickenjoy : ) its like my mini philippines trip. We checked out red ribbon, this huge filipino grocery, goldilocks and such. I want chowking but I am soo full : (

Soon, we are going to hollywood cuz I got a hotel booked at hollywood hotel and we are going CLUBBING!!!! (i'll update tomorrow) - I'm super excited but : ( i feel sleepy now so maybe i should take a nap first.

DAY 16: Hello California : )

Hello California!

I LEAVE TODAY and I am super excited. I have errands to do beforeI leave though, and I have assignment that I haven't started yet. hmmm, lets see if I can pull a miracle again.

Okay, I'll try to keep blogging while I am there even just a quick lines of what I did. If not, I'll prolly just put them together in one.

Don't miss me much, I'll be back in a week.

Updates (3:27): damn i didn't do my assignment yet!
but anyways I want to thank you for everything and I am glad doing this "refresh" plan. I had fun today and it will always stay here - I like the metaphor btw, "the first ps3 game and me" but yeah. Anyways, enough with cheesiness. Let's get this ride on =D

p.s my charger I spent looking for 2 hours last night while I am ultimately wasted and 30 minutes early this morning, my annoying little sister have it !!!! agh!

Day 15: Drunken baby

OMG! for the first time in 5 years, I am actually this drunk!


and i am still writing a post with edited HTML code while i can not even see straight! oh my gosh. ask kevin im so drunk im like screaming in alize fazolise and I sign that bill with a testimonial for our server hahah plus saying to her *you are so nice* haha! omg funny how i still remmebr this but when I wake up tomorrow I prolly dont. I was there with kevin for 2 hours and I keep complaining i do not feel anything now 1 hour later i felt everything. I had 2 la dolce mela martini, 1 sweet mama, 22 vodka straight shot, and 1 whiskey shot. who would not get a fucking drunk when I mixxed like different kind of drink in like a short fucking period!


THANK YOU KEVIN - FOR granting my wish, which is to get drunk before I leave canada or before I go to california : ) adventure wild ride here we go. I am kinda nervous for tomorrow morning but excited for tomorrow night. anyways I am spinning like I am riding a 10xf faster carousel ahaha and I am messaging random people.


annd, 2 hours later looking inside my room (drunken) i cant find my f*cking charger -____- im furious!

I am nervous for tomorrow as I ask you my final wish and i hope you will be HONEST

Day 14: Unusual

Oh my gee! seriously, there is something wrong with me. Its only 8:44 pm and I am seriously tired. I had the best driving in-car class today, I went pretty far than we usually go to. I did not make a lot of mistakes either. = ) yay!

I made 49 pieces of valentines chocolate today : ) I was gonna make marble chocolate but I end up mixing to much so it just showed as a light brown chocolate; there are a bunch of pink and cookies & creme chocolates too : ) ooohh putting my valentine tradition in play.

I was waiting for the bus for the long time and I was there 5 minutes early too yet 20 minutes later its still not there so I decided to just walk home and not go to class. I cleaned my room instead and I still havent start my assignment due on friday yikess :S

Aight, Im gonna sleep pretty soon - after my ice cream : )

How could I stop myself from doing that, for myself at least.

Day 13: Little Msz. Sleepy

Ah! I woke up late today and slept in decided to dish class but I went to work. Afterwards, I got my eyebrow & my nails done - getting ready for Fridayy!! I went home afterwards, very tired and I don't know why. I've been seriously falling asleep in the bus and everywhere especially lately - lets just hope its not what I think it is `cuz there is only one person to blame. ah!

Things to ponder:
What would you do when you wake up and decided to pursue or begin the preparation of your awaited "plan" then all of a sudden people would come up to you and say random things that they have never done before only today when you didn't wanna do that? ahh this is like several people to. Its like they intend it but the truth is they prolly dont. Ah!!! seriously, i don't need to know. especially if you think "xoxo" is that, or "xoxo" is this PLUS "don't blame me afterwards".

so ponder on that? wouldn't that irritates you, why all of a sudden? its like destiny or whatever is playing around or I guess testing how far can you stick to your original plan!


*Off to bed sweeties.


What would it take? What should I do now? It's ummm... i can't even begin to.

Day 12: Busy Day

So Busy today, I wish it's always like this. (it keeps your mind of something, and it makes me smile).

Btw, I want to give a big shout-outs to all my friends. I'm so lucky I have tons. They all say the same thing "I am supporting you all the way". Oh geez! I finished 10 pages case study within 2 hours - um! oh i'm sucha procastinator (I would definitely agree).

Anyways, I made a big decision today. Something planned for this week and a couple weeks from now. This plans are solely for me and nothing but ME. Time to refined, redirect and focus on myself since I haven't been able to for years. I know that if I commit again, my plan will all be shifted so lets fully congratulate myself for this plan :) "well it's not done yet but early motivation counts" HAHA!

This plan is motivated by my "co-worker" who told her inspiring story this afternoon. (recall the story to myself* - cuz no need to announce)

Anyways, I'm off to bed. Very tired ! X0X0 (isn't flirting so much fun? esp. if your single)


Friends that are always been there for me put a smile on my face rather than the cuts you provide

Day 11: Let it go

Keep on Marching ...
left and right, left and right

Nothing too special today. I've been the quietest person in the world today and have little appetite. I'm glad there are people trying their best to make me smile but each time I look at the clock or I hear the time ticking, It's like I am lining up for my death.

I am happy though `cuz I got a pink luggage and I started packing but I didn't start any homework. My clothes are ridiculously too much but the funny part it, that is not even a half of my closest nor quarter just prolly a pinch of my closet. Lmfao

I just want this to end, this whole unnecessary and unimportant segment of my life.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS WEEK TO FINISH!

It's like everytime you laugh, I'm getting stab. the funny part though, I still want you to laugh!

Day 10: Partyin` it up

Nini's 18th Birthday / Debut
[ big shout out to nini]

Why do I feel like this again? let me recall.

Had fun : ) Pictures & pictures + i Love my dress. I got home late again... hmmm getting habitual? I'm actually doing fun stuff when I am single. coolio! (especially disobeying all this rules?ahh! hihi)

*pictures will be up in facebook tomorrow ^ . ^

6 MORE DAYS
2 more assignments due + chocolates + midterms back

little do you know and little do i know...

Day 9: Broke the rules

but anyways...

I'm the girl who like to break the rules and I think she is coming back.
(she lost herself for quite a bit, but it's all here now)

the fun ride already started, get a grip everyone especially you dear.

ah! I think I will stop doing the top 3's thingy but I will continue to focus on good things each day. Oh man, today started off badly. I woke up so early and cranky, got to class so early and classmates/teammates are not there - I kinda snap, but take no offense `cuz I'm just cranky. Afterward, I had a very 'crucial-awkward-antifun' conversation over the phone. Then, off to presentation.

I am very sleepy so I had several naps throughout my bus rides. I got to squareone, did a bit of shopping and hell ya! I spent so much money (kill me now! I am definitely broke but thank god for Visa). Suprisingly, I saw a bunch of friends. I said "hi" of course, some I hang out with for a bit. For those I saw later that night had funny expressions.

Anyways, It's 1:18 am and I just literally got home & tired. I am just going to sum this all up. Today was definitely FUN and that a little bit surprise me. I barely noticed the time and my phone which is very unusual. I broke all the rules of the 'house' ; went home an hour later than my curfew and NO phonecall back. It was funny on my way home kinda reminds me off my 'past' memories as I was walking around the empty square1 parking lot and inside the closed mall.

*busy day tomorrow : ) or let say the "weekend" =]

Shop list: Bare Minerals Set & Sephora Concelear ; Pencil "hot' skirt.

see, I can be happy and I am actually liking it. more to come? [all I know is I am not exclusive to any1]

Day 8: Missing Pass

after 3 years of using GTA Pass....

I LOST IT TODAY!

it drives me crazy, thank god the week is almost finished but still. I seriously have so much homework to do and I haven't start anything - not one. Total procastination instead I had 3 hours nap? ahh - Oh jeanne! what is happening?

let's just end it that way, nothing to special for me today anyways.

That is the end, no more looking back. not worth it


Updated (1:01 am): What to do? I like you but it would be wrong.
[wild ride here I come?!]

Day 7: Curiousity

I don't have that much to say today, just an ordinary day except the fact that I always get bad and creepy dreams lately. Just basically went to school. Made myself a nice dinner, a healthy dinner. I love it! I should do this more often.

It's actually a good morning/day `cuz I got my mind off something I always think of, until I got home and my stupid little sister blurb things I don't wanna know when it just happened 30 mins ago. So then that makes me wonder "what are they doing now, at this moment?" I seriously don't care but just the fact - I'm curious whats happening now and I don't have the answer(s) makes me mad. haha

So yeah, Ate gee came to visit me. She drag me to the mall, we are there for a few minutes and that's pretty much it. Soon, I'll be sleeping. 9 MOREFUCKIN`DAYS BABY!!


please, that is not a funny joke!

Day 6: Snow Day

I don't have much to say, I didn't go to school and worked at home `cuz I wasn't feeling well (neck hurts) - my little 'unhealthy' attacks again. Besides that, I have the weirdest dreams ever about my old classmates and with my "imissyou" family involve in some creepy situations.

TOP 3 LOVES OF THE DAY

1. I am lucky to have the BESTEST big sister
- I feel so great that no matter what my sister will always support me and be there for me. Even though, She clearly don't need to go to the gym but she went with me today : ) geez! this girl is like 105 lbs w/ 5'8 height! i lab you ate <3
2. I have something to look forward to
- I can't damn wait for my vacation! 10FCKIN`DAYSBABY! = ]
3. For me to be able to access any crazy things I thought of doing
- Serious, It's not like I can't do anything I want - it's just the matter of me saying If I wanna do it now. Like all these crazy thoughts lately, I can do it right now If I want to ; so what's stopping me?!

So tired now. I need to put back my clean clothes, wake up early tomorrow and seriously have to do gazillions of homework!!! Falling behind school isn't that much fun...

what have you done to me! I am cursed

Day 5: Quickly

Sorry, little miss cranky here. I am so tired but I don`t want to miss one day of blogging so I am dedicating few minutes to blog.

Homework, take home-work, drama and blah blah. I don`t wanna deal with all this things, All I wanna do is get away from here.

TOP 3 LOVES OF THE DAY

1. I am lucky to have a job not misz. jobless
- I can`t complain with my job. Time goes by so quickly and I got something to do, something that will benefit me later on. So bravo for that & I am getting paid !
2. I am lucky I have a house to go home to
- since I am not homeless, and there are people looking for me at the end of the night (which is pretty much annoying at times).
3. I am lucky I got good friends to put a smile on my face.
- thanks to my co-workers, classmate and closefriends, who little do they know - they make me smile. And thanks lorie for making me start your car! take note: she isn`t there, she just gave me her keys --hah! didn`t know you were serious, I could have drove it away haha - fun stuff.

I guess that is pretty much it for the day. As you notice my top 3 isn`t much of what I did today cuz I really don`t think I have enough GOOD things but I just made it up to view the better side of the day/life than dwelling the `what-nots`.

now, off to bed cuz little MS. CRANKY here can`t wait to ZzzzZzzz.

Tryna put aside, tryna stop saying your name `cuz all it do is make me look for you (every minute)

Day 4: Cheek Kisses

I don't think I'll do the top 3 today, I think there are enough good things that happened. Lets erase the bad ones (bad car ride) and replaced with hanging out with person I could always count on also known as "the bestfriend".

I love the friendly hugs & cheek kisses,

future endeavors and afternoon eat - outs.

I know I can always count on you,

and you can do the same for me.

No malice and no bad intentions,

no boundaries were crossed,

just two bestfriends hanging out.

Thanks for being a good friend, thats all I want.

It's funny how we have fun going shopping when we are bestfriends rather than going shopping with "titles". I wish it will always be like this, though it's expected not to last. No matter what though, no communication or not - our friendship stays.

"I may not have gone where I intended to go but I think I ended up where I intended to be." - Douglas Adams-

Memories stays, will always be.

Day 3: Unexpected

Rebel is my new nickname obviously as this day mark the first day of me not going home without letting my parents know. Today was so great, it's like everything I ever wanted. I had an amazing sleep - quite relaxing; possibly because I'm in a different room and atmosphere.

My morning was spent with ate gee, kuya aldrin and tita. It was definitely fun, they put a huge smile on my face. We had lunch at Zet's - representing airport area (haha!) I can't believe that Souvlaki is super huge, I probably ate less than 1/4 of the plate. I don't want to bore you out so I will just go ahead and start my Top 3.

TOP 3 LOVES OF THE DAY

1. The most beautiful feeling I have ever felt when I woke up.
- I woke up feeling happy and very relaxed. Although I was alone in the huge bed, I felt so complete. Since I wake up feeling great, my whole day was great.
2. The most unusual thing happened today
- One thing, I've been asking for or wishing for is to be able to feel the exact same "reaction" I had '3 years, 7 months, 10 days and 11 hours ago'. Apparently, I did today. It is very unusual ; until now, I am still mesmerize.
3. I had a ridiculously fun drive
-no matter how nerve cracking and had bountiful of mistakes, I still had fun. : )

Other than my top 3, My family went to Drexy's 1st birthday party and it was fun. Ate sab and I won a game, a very interesting game that involves apple. I had a chit chat with the uber matching loves - derek and gracie. To end this day, We watched my new addition to "my favourite movies" and its called One True Love. It is so incredibly amaaazzzing!

Next week will be the beginning of my adventurous, rebellious, fun and exciting life.

something new, I like it which begins the process of 'erasure'

Day 2: The Visit

Well, today is something different. I did what I said yesterday, no more "black clouds". I had more laugh than worries, and I like that better.

TOP 3 LOVES OF THE DAY

1. I got a GOOD friend that I could rely on.
- thanks ate gee for being there no matter what. One call, she is there to pick me up.
and not only that, she MAKES me see things I shouldn't see like dropping me off at the place called "X&X" to see unpleasant things but after all it just made me laugh (it really did put a smile on my face). --> you are so bad hehe, but now I wonder what happened afterwards. I really shud have walk in and "act-and-walk" like a model haha- NOT!
2. I am proud and blessed to be in school and doing what I love the most.
- some would love to be in school but they can't or they are in school but in program they don't really like. [soak wash consulting]
3. I can openly express my feelings and insights without caring about what other people thinks.
- I don't care if you think I'm weak or vulnerable by expressing what I feel, at least I am being honest.

So, pretty good day I might say. Right now, I am a bit tired since I had a few errands and meet up with a bunch of people. Even, that quick ride to buy turbo's food and snooping around to see the "lovers" *ahem* was quite interesting. pero ah, baba naman standards nia. at least ako nun tinago ko kc wala naman cia dun icompared, eh sia pagmalaki pa nia - eh wala naman yun icompare sa akin. My only rant for the day is the bad outcome of our dinner.

Presentation was funny, got everyone confused but I think they will all be anyways since they really are unfamiliar with the program. Anyway, tomorrow will have to be my "productive" day and start keeping on track with my school loads.

but now I know, I am really irreplaceable.

Day 1: Lost it

I decided to go back to blogging since I don't know when was the last time I made a blog entry. To make my life more optimistic, I would like to focus three good things that happen to me each day then I can "blurb" about my sudden thoughts and ranting.

TOP 3 LOVES OF THE DAY

1. I found out I lost a few pounds
2. I got the guts to call Rogers and get myself officially divorced with my "so-called" husband in our family plan.
- I am practically very nice to convinced the lady to give my "ex-familyplan-partner" a student discount using my humber student I.d and make a note that he can be able to make a change in the future that would still allow him to get my discount even technically, we are not together in the plan.
3. I had a fun time at work, chatting and stuff.


Oh! the overall purpose of those list is for me to focus on good things than bad things/events of my daily life. So to minimize the ranting, I fell while I was walking out the bus - embarrasing but funny. I woke up late at night, cranky and despised what I saw on the "online" world.

Overall, I got myself all distracted to the black cloud surrounding me and letting it pursue its will to destroy me. Tomorrow, I will try and avoid this clouds- focus on good things.

everything about this is hurting me. I don't know why and it's eating me up inside