Out of the Ordinary

Lately, some things have changed. Ever had that feeling that it feels like things are not accidentally happening, like it is kinda saying "something" out of the blue.

For the past few days, my expectations sky rocketed. People I never thought would appreciate me sending me messages and starting to make me smile. Some people I have never ever contacted for years all of a sudden is talking to me and would like to catch up for four years (possibly more) that we weren't in touch. Is this accidental or meant to happen? is this saying something to me?

I have one big question to answer and I don't know what to do. The question is, is it worth giving another person a second chance where most likely I could be hurt again at the end (or throughout the process) or just start over fresh?

To be really honest, I can't force people to love me or show me they love me. I say they come naturally and way beyond your expectation if ONE really LOVES you TRULY!

ACTION MEANS WAYYYY MORE THAN WORDS!!!

Noche Buena

I been through the storm

Had dirt on my name

I'm still holding on

Champion of the game (they said)

Whatever don't kill you make you stronger

Well, I must be the world's strongest woman

See I done done a whole lotta growin'

Everything you say I'm already knowin'

- Monica, Still Standing'

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

A few days ago pessimism took over me; but a total optimism happened yesterday. Today, as I celebrate our traditional "noche buena" with my family filled with joy and hope, as well as to begin our celebration with a mass - I ask God to lend me a piece of his heart to forgive those people who have caused me pain and take away the anger filled in my heart. Tonight, I will give this anger and hate all to him then I will replace it with Christmas love.

Lets all celebrate the main reason of this season.

Fill our hearts with love and joy. Appreciate the food that we have because little do we know the people live halfway across our country are thankful for a tiny piece of bread they can share over their family this Christmas. Forgive those people who have harmed us and enjoy our suffering. Be thankful for those who have never left our side, through hardship and happiness.

So tonight, I want to take this opportunity to great each and every one a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS! I want to thank my family who have patiently gathered tonight and maintain the peace within this house. I want to thank everyone who matters to me. so sya, kainan na!!

P.s. I believe this will be the second Christmas that we are actually at home on Christmas eve, celebrating exclusively without our gigantic clan of relatives. Plus we actually got gifts on each others, thats the FIRST. I am so proud of my family - having this bond lately. I AM REALLY HAPPY! the bond without fights but just kindness and sweetness.

My mom and dad are actually joking around sweetly - I like this. &&& WE MISS ATE JOY!!!

Update: Awesome Dinner, no fighting or screaming - just sweetness and love. Fun Christmas gifts opening too and movie : ) plus our talks with our ate in pinaz

Love and Believe

so you gotta take the good, the bad, happy and the sad

but will you bring the better future then i had in the past

cause i don't want to make the same mistakes i did

i don't wanna fall back on my face again

i'll admit it, i was scared to answer loves call

and if it hits, better make it worth the fall...

- Knock you down

Things happens for a reason. There is a reason why I am going through this, seeing our mistakes and not closing our doors. There is a reason why she came around, why I came around and why you came into my life. There is a reason why our love never fade and to why we wake up that even though we are miles away it feels like we are just right beside each other. You knocked me down. You are my quarterback in my dreams, my soldier and my hero. It was magic, now we are crashing...

Who are we to predict our future. Who are we to not forget and forgive someone. Who are we to misjudged a person like we got clean hands. Who are we not make a stupid mistakes. Who are we not to give anyone a chance to undo what they have done and to prove what they really got. Who are we to give up on love. We have no right to any of this. All we can do is believe...

Believe that one day our pain will fade away. Believe that there is something good in bad. Believe that love exist. Believe that we can once be happy again. Believe that in spite all our sorrows and pain, one day we will all be happy - in a way we picture ourselves happy.

sweetest tear drop

Things cannot always be perfect

You know those things, sayings or stories that list the traits and qualities of a perfect man or a perfect guy or much more like a dream man. Just like what happened to those princesses in fairytale, I got mine. But they don't last. Things are not really perfect, he was all those listed things. He got every single trait in those list, he got them all yet look where we are now?

Yes, sometimes things do not happen the way you want them to be. Things cannot always be perfect.

Just like this one...
To every guy that REGRETS hurting or LOSING her.
To every guy who knows which girl HE WANTS.
To every guy that's said, "You're BEAUTIFUL."
To every guy that was never too busy TO DRIVE across town(or across the STATE)
( or across the country ) to see HER.
To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.
To every guy who has given her flowers just because.
To every guy that said he would die for her.
To every guy that really would.
To every guy that did what she wanted to do.
To every guy that cried in front of her.
To every guy that she cried in front of.
To every guy that holds hands with her.
To every guy that kisses her with meaning.
To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.
To every guy that hugs her for NO reason at all.
To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.
To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.
To every guy that would sit and wait hours to see her,
even if they could only spend a few minutes together.
To every guy that would give his seat up.
To every guy that just wants to cuddle.
To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.
And honestly believed what he said.
To every guy who told his secrets to her.
To every guy that tried to SHOW how much he cared through
every word and every breath.
To every guy that thought "maybe this could be the one".
To every guy that believed in her dreams.
To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.
To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.
To every guy that walked her to her car.
To every guy that WASNT...just trying to GET LAID.
To every guy that gave his heart and still has a piece missing.
To every guy who prays that she is HAPPY even if he is NOT the one that makes her that way.
To every guy who doesn't care how far away she lives, and will still date her because it's her.
To every guy who cares the most about how she feels, even when she breaks your heart.

And I am telling you, every single sentence in there. It happened to me and he did it. In spite of where we are now, part of me is still happy that no matter what and for such a short period of time...I experienced that. Those moments that I never thought would I ever experience from anyone. Things really do happen for a reason.

Yup, but I guess shit just happens. Now, is it a time to realize that every person can never be content. If we have something perfect, we want more. If we are missing something, we will do everything to get it. Just realize, things could never be perfect and when they do...they end.

November Update!

So November will be tough.

Why so? Adam and I might not see each other for a while, so a whole lot of missing each other but thats okay, we both know we love each other so much plus it would be more like a practice ground when I leave in 2010!!

Yes! got that right, I am officially going to PHILIPPINES in 2010! finally, its been forever!

This month will be insane too, in regards to school. I have major crazy presentations, group projects and individual assignments. I am trying to be as organized as possible but its TOUGH! i tend to procastinate !

but toodles, goodluck to me! miss everyone =)

Bothered

so many things bothering me!
i don't even know where to start...


part of me, miss the old carefree Jem.
part of me is going back to the "Jem"
i toss of during the my self-realization journey.
part of me, just want to freeze the time.
part of me, just want to . . .


so lets see how this year goes?
sept 9. 09 - lucky?

7 Days more before school

SHORT- TERM / LONG-TERM GOAL (starting today):

• Good Marks to get Master's Degree 2 or 3 years from now
• Full Courses in Baking Department to enhance my knowledge in this field plus to START my own business
• Save up for 2010 BIG TRIP : ) - my #1 goal oh man!
• Continuous Gym routine for 2010 trip
• Positive Mindset - no more "people-who-must-not-be named" nor creeping them or bring it up, disregard paranoia or little worries, and improve problem comprehension
• Consistently do JEM-Check - make sure to improve into a better business woman, get emotional issues out of the way
  

I've been on Hiatus for a long time, so many things happened. Good and Bad things. Mostly, Good things. I totally missed being normal, now I wake up feeling perfectly fine except the fact that I wanna sleep in.

I have 7 More days left before I start my first day as a 4th year e-Business Student. *phew* a little relief hearing that but at the same time kinda nerve cracking. Can you believe it? I'm here, almost done. Tons of expectation, especially my own exception. I expect too much from myself - like always! ha ha

Next Step: MBA - Masters of Business Administration. I was looking over admission requirements and Geez! I need to do a whole lot of things but I've always wanted Schulich ever since, just a little lost faith in myself before and slack off. Therefore, here is my second chance. Originally, I want Masters of Finance but its so much more, a little too late for some requirements (like my crazy marks LOL) && I'm also thinking of taking pastry course/baking courses - big step to start my own business.

Oh man, a little motivation to do good this semester. Last year to work so hard, I need to do this. Need to get a GOOD head start.